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OOPS
Oct 10, 2015 10:46:49 GMT
Post by wjmrty on Oct 10, 2015 10:46:49 GMT
I was coming back from visiting my son in my Miami and I stopped at a rest stop to use the bathroom. I just sat down on the toilet when I heard a voice coming from the stall next to mine, “Hey! How’s it going?” Although I was quite surprised, and I wasn’t in the habit of conversing to the people next to me in the stall, I nevertheless answered him, “I’m fine” I said “thanks for asking.”
“What are you doing?” Asked the same voice. To be honest I was a bit taken aback by the brazenness of this fellow, but I would never ignore anyone so I calmly answered, “I’m releaving myself.”
Then I heard the same voice again, “I’m going to have to call you back, some smart-aleck is answering all of my questions.”
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OOPS
Oct 10, 2015 16:59:52 GMT
Post by buickguy on Oct 10, 2015 16:59:52 GMT
that is an Oops most embarssing
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OOPS
Oct 10, 2015 20:59:27 GMT
Post by Guba on Oct 10, 2015 20:59:27 GMT
The thing is, now a days it's sooooo true! LOL
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OOPS
Oct 11, 2015 14:18:08 GMT
Post by wjmrty on Oct 11, 2015 14:18:08 GMT
Mary and Dave got along pretty well. But there was one thing that drove Mary absolutely crazy, and that was no matter how many times she told Dave how important it was to her that he come on time for dinner, he never did.
It was after one such spat that he got down on his knees and said “Mary, I promise I am turning over a new leaf. From now on I will be on time for dinner!”
Well, the next day, promptly at 5 o’clock, Dave locked up his shop and headed out the door to his car. When suddenly out of nowhere a car pulled up next to his parked car and hit Dave. Dave was rushed to the hospital. Luckily they let him out after 3 hours and he walked in the door to his house at 8 o’clock.
Mary was livid! “Wait I can explain” pleaded Dave, “I got run over by a car!”
“REALLY!?,” screamed Mary, “IT TAKE 3 HOURS TO GET RUN OVER BY A CAR!?
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OOPS
Oct 11, 2015 14:22:43 GMT
Post by wjmrty on Oct 11, 2015 14:22:43 GMT
There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.
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OOPS
Oct 14, 2015 13:21:03 GMT
Post by wjmrty on Oct 14, 2015 13:21:03 GMT
So there was this female business executive who was late for a meeting. She is going 65 on a street where the speed limit is 40.
A cop pulls her over and says “ma’am, can I please see your license?”
She says “I’m sorry, officer, but I got it revoked two years ago for drunk driving.”
His brow furrows and he straightens up. “Well, can I please see the registration of your car?”
She says “I stole the car and I killed the driver; he’s in the trunk.”
“Ma’am, DON’T MOVE, I’m calling for backup.”
He mutters furiously into his walkie-talkie…
Five minutes later, half the squad pulls up, the Chief of Police walks over to the woman’s window.
“Ma’am, can I see your license?” he asks sternly.
“Of course, officer,” she smiles demurely and pulls out a license from her purse.
He squints warily at it. “This looks legitimate,” he mumbles.
“Can I see the registration to this car?”
She pulls it out of the glove compartment and hands it to him.
“Ma’am, stand back!”
He bangs open the trunk of the car and flinches: but it was completely empty…
The woman brandishes a finger at the first cop and says accusingly, “And I’ll bet that liar told you I was speeding too!!”
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OOPS
Oct 19, 2015 11:06:40 GMT
Post by wjmrty on Oct 19, 2015 11:06:40 GMT
There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.
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OOPS
Oct 30, 2015 10:19:44 GMT
Post by wjmrty on Oct 30, 2015 10:19:44 GMT
An accountant/banker, on a drive to his folks for thanksgiving, got lost on a rural Wyoming road. He sees a local and stops. "Does this road go to Laramie?" "I dunno" "Is there a place near here with phone reception so I can make a call?" "I dunno" "well how about a nearby drugstore or town - can you tell me how far away one might be?" "nope" "You don't know much do you?" "Nope - but I aint lost".
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OOPS
Nov 4, 2015 9:13:33 GMT
Post by wjmrty on Nov 4, 2015 9:13:33 GMT
It's Saint Patrick's day and an armed hooded robber bursts in to the Bank of Ireland and forces the tellers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.
The robber shoots the man without hesitation.
He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the tellers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him dead. Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.
"Did anyone else see my face?" screams the robber.
There is a few moments of silence then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says, "I think me wife here may have caught a glimpse."......................................................
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OOPS
Nov 23, 2015 14:23:17 GMT
Post by wjmrty on Nov 23, 2015 14:23:17 GMT
Wally's Wedding Night
At 85 years of age, Wally married Anne, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Anne decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Anne prepares herself for bed and the expected 'knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85 year old groom, ready for action... They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Anne hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Wally. Again he is ready for more 'action.' Somewhat surprised, Anne consents for more frantic coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it..... Wally is back again, rapping on the door, andis as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action.'
And, once again they enjoy each other in the way only two people in the first flush of lust can... But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.'
Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anne and says: 'You mean I've been here already?'
(Senior Moments can have their advantages).
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